I DON'T WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND

For the second time in my life I fell in love. After six long years, I have found the courage to love again. But unfortunately, I loved someone whose not meant for me. And for the nth time… I was hurt. Its hard enough when we’re loving someone who can’t love us back, what more falling in love with a friend?

I had a hard time comforting you whenever you felt pain from your past. I tried so hard to be strong, and focused on the friendship we had, but I failed. I fell in love with you…. I didn’t even realized I was in love with you for a while. As you share your pain and thoughts with me, I don’t know where I got the courage to comfort you. After every conversation, I laid on my bed thinking… when will you ever see me? But then again… we’re mates.. And I know I will always be only a friend to you..

I tried to force myself to hate the feeling I have for you. But I can’t deny the fact that no matter what I still am in love with you. The sad thing is, you know. And you became extra sweet, almost made me felt like I was really loved by you… almost felt real… then you woke me up from that wonderful dream. You told me “ I told you not to take things seriously.” Then I realized that I was doing it again. Loving someone and forgotten all about myself. I then told myself that maybe I have to love myself again as you can never love me back like I wished you would.

Now you’re happy with someone else. And it pains me knowing the reality that you just simply never considered loving me… or even liking me… and it hurts like hell… but there we are.. I have started to walk away from you… and I do intend to walk far…far away from you.. I no longer want to remember your voice… your laughter… your sweetness…. I have walked a bit already.. But I can’t help looking back.. Wishing you’re running after me.. Shouting my name and telling me that you made a mistake.. That you love me.. But all I can see is a picture of you… with another woman in your arms.. And you’re happy… this thought makes my heart bleed… another scar to remind me that I have been through this kind of pain…

Now I am nursing my broken heart…while you are happy with your new love… I do wish this time your relationship will last… and I am sorry if I had to let go of our friendship… I didn’t want to… but being friendly and loving you at the same time is killing me.. I want to say GOODBYE but I can’t.. so I will just leave in silence.. You wouldn’t notice anyway that I’m gone… I LOVE YOU SO MUCH THAT IT HURTS SO BAD… I’m sorry I DO LOVE YOU.. BUT I DON’T WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND ANYMORE..